Bomgay

Went to voodoos last night with K, CT & Emily. It is a strange place - its so seedy. But its the only place. I had decent fun. I was a little high and the music was not bad so danced, flirted with a few guys. There is no place like that in Mumbai. Wonder given the money they charge why cant they spruce it up a little and maybe more ppl would start coming. On the other hand thats just one night in the week - for the rest his clientele is very different.

Today evening K and I were sitting in JATC we could see people at the gb meet. Not been to one for sometime now. K was wondering if it serves any purpose now. I clearly think so - the conversation made me go to the gb mailing list. A newbie had written a meet report and it pretty much sums up why it all makes sense -

"I stepped out of the rick. This is the moment when my heart started pumping blood faster as I saw a group of men chatting in front of CCD. I had seen a man wearing a GB TShirt. However, I was puzzled as they looked completely like common people to me. So I stood there with a question mark over my head, not knowing how to go forward ...

... We often ask ourselves. Why Me? But when we come to the GB meet and interact with people, we find, IT IS NOT JUST ME "

This feeling of ordinariness, of familiarity, of comfort, of friendliness, of oneness really helps. People move on but I am glad it survives - despite the increased information/ communication options available online. Thanks to all those who make it possible.

Back to Mumbai

I am back from my trip. Italy was just awesome. It is amazing to see more than 2000 years of history, beautiful coastlines, lovely people ...

Back home - the weather is horribly hot and muggy - hope it starts raining soon.

Cant think of a title

Finished reading a book of short stories by Yiyun Li. It gives a very nice perspective on china. I have read Amy Tan earlier - both these book though very different in styles makes me realise how similar the family structure/ values are in china & india. Its uncanny - its almost as if you could replace characters from chinese to indian and keep the story the same. It also leaves you with a feeling how lucky we are to be in India.

On another note got this insight from someone- The one child policy has created quite a rupture in chinese society. It has led to amongst other things lack of mobility of the workforce as the married couple has four people holding them back (dont think i need to elaborate how !).

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spend the last three days in a fairyland - an amazing resort in Chiang Mai - a 52 acre property with villas, temples, lakes, paddy fields, colonial houses ...

La dolce vita

Going on a longish break - off to italy for 18 days. Yipeeeeeeee !! Been some time since I took this long a break last few have been more for 5-7 days. Choices to travel are so mind boggling that its almost paralyzing - I was contemplating 5 diff options - Scotland (already have visa !), Turkey / Jordan (never been to that part of the world), Prague, Vienna etc (heard only superlatives about them), Morocco/ south of Spain (exotic + part of spain i have still not been to) and finally italy (it has as i put to a friend a good mix of urban spaces, culture & natural beauty)

Scarcely had I frozen on that when I realised choices don't end there - How do u drop places when almost everything is a must do ? Nat geo top 50 list has 4 mentions from Italy !!! 1000 places to see before you die devotes in excess of 50 pages on this country - You get the picture I suppose. I also do not want to do a whirlwind tour which just touches various places. Hence it became a big project of reading, surfing, and talking to decide how to cut out options.

1st to get chopped were the Italian Alps, the Lakes, Dolomites, Milan, Sardinia, Bologna, south east Italy (heel of the shoe) amongst others. Still find 17 days not to be enough (why can't we teleport and not waste one day travelling !!)
Rome (3 days), Venice (2 days), Florence/ Siena (3 days),Sicily/Etna (3 days), Naples / Amalfi/ Pompeii /Capri(4 days)- that leaves a measly 2 days. There is Cinque Terre which beckons, Tuscany demands more days, Italian riviera and the beaches which sound wonderful, and the already identified places - the time I am spending in them doesn't seem to do justice to them.

Hence have decided to take one day at a time, have a broad itinerary in mind but will add/ drop places as the trip progresses. Surprisingly the clubbing scene is not that hot in italy - or maybe it just needs more exploring !

p.s. nobody is allowed to comment on my weight till one month after I return - how can I go to Italy and not eat & have wine

Resolutions

1) Reach out to people more
2) Not lose temper too often
3) Make an effort to date someone
4) Get the house in a little order

Need to grow up !

Met four batchmates after a long long time. I was wondering after I agreed to go if it would be awkward and if the conversation would be very stilted. I was not close to two of them on campus, infact in my circle of friends they were perceived as shallow (how ridiculous it seems now !).

We met at zenzi - what amazed was the genuine warmth with which couple of them met me. The conversation flowed as did the red wine. Food got ordered, legs got pulled, reminisced about common friends ... The evening was very enjoyable and left me wondering. I need to change.

Some common issues which plague both my personal & professional life need to be addressed and I need to live life to the fullest. I neeed to get out of the timewrap.

Am back !!

When I saw the date of my last post today, it was quite a shock. More than six months have elapsed since I last wrote a post. It wasn't as if I had nothing to write ... Anyways have decided to be back online

The dilemma

Months of effort finally sees the light of day. It was a emotional rollercoaster in more ways than one - but I truly believe what we have delivered is unique and outstanding. It will perhaps remain one of the key achievements for all of us for some time.

But have been asked to choose at this juncture and am faced with the dilemma :

Option 1 : play from strength - ask for bigger role potentially be really successful - work with people you are already comfortable with - have a bit more time to yourself - risk getting bored if things don't pan out as planned

Option 2 : work for something which looks really interesting - the politics could get very murky - most people you will work with you don't gel with - spend crazy amount of time at work - you will have fun and could end up doing something worthwhile in all senses - risk is the fizz dies and you end up being caught in no man's land

Hmmm - go by the gut ?? !!

Making choices like these are optional plays especially in an uncertain environment and the predicator is really undeterminable

The touch

I seem to have lost the touch. Not sure whats happened. Though I am doing really well on all fronts, miss the touch in both personal & professional life. I am not sure if I am making sense.

Professionally I used to hit the right note every time immediately now it has become a tedious & iterative process. Similarly in personal life not sure when was the last time someone hit on me.

I am not sure if its me or just the changing circumstances - dont like this. I want my touch back.

Talk to me

long time since i blogged. its been a tough few months. work seems to have taken over life.

Last Saturday was this series of rendezvous - after ages was up all night - which did not involve dancing and/or drinking. Random movie actually real trash (but for a change didnt mind it too much) Emily kept on saying horrible, trash etc while TC & FB where giggling away to glory - these two boys know how to enjoy things without trying to intelectualize . After a lot of what should we do next - landed up at Sun & Sand coffee shop - these juhu places seem from a totally diff time & age - really loud ppl though - holiday inn coffee shop has started a cover charge of around 200 bucks can you believe it. While TC & Emily left for Bandra i stayed back - Long chat with juhu boy at his home - its so weird that he still doesn't have a key for his home and u need to enter from the rear door after waking the maid - we find it very easy to talk to each other, in some ways he knows more about me than others. Had to leave as K was putting senti to meet him at Lands End - the lobby place bar had shut down - and we pondered over choices like coffee, chamomile, coke etc and sank into the sofa - we talked and talked ordered food talked till around 5 - when we went for a walk at bandstand and finally home.

It was nice to really talk after such a long time. It has been snatched conversations for sometime or just a lot of silly talk with the gang.

Nishkam Karma Yoga

Estoy muy occupado porque mucho trabaja. Estoy confudido y poco triste pero muy tranquilo.

I seem to be changing - the craziness of last month and specially last week or so has not gotten to me totally. I am relatively calm and matter of fact. For the first time am focusing energies on external world. The work I am doing is interesting and that's what matters right. Why bother thinking and reacting to possible motives for the behaviour of others ? This phase is likely to be only educative and/or a revelation - and life can then go on.

hmmmmmmm

lost
scared
angry (not really !)
resigned
tired
defiant
amused

Insecurities - 2 conversations

What makes us so possessive ? Why do we feel insecure in our relationships be it friendship or something more ? People can be close to more people then we realize and we don't need to force them to choose.

When things r going great why do we suddenly feel like it could all unravel ? When u should feel on top of the world why do we feel powerless ? There will always be options as ability is really inherent.

Drifting away

Drifting away from most of the world - family, str8 friends, most gay friends - spend most of the time working or with the gang. Its by choice. Is it healthy ? A phone call triggered this post. Got a call out of the blue from a school friend whom I had not met for a decade (he has moved to US ) he found my number from god knows where and after a round of abusing he kept on insisting I tell him why the hell I was not in touch with anyone - all the people who I was so close to it school & in college.

My answer - I cant see much point spending a lot of time with people with whom I cant be myself, and as I am not out to most people it pretty much means the entire world. Everyone seems to be married with one or more kids - the conversation just becomes about them or about work - which I anyway don't like talking too much about. but is that really the case - even people I am out to do I really engage with them.

maybe it is laziness. I just don't get it - I am not asocial per se infact enjoy going out and being with people. Its just phone is not for me as a medium - surprisingly chatting I am cool with and coordinating times to meet is so tedious that meeting becomes a question really of coincidence.

So guys if I have not been in touch - xcuse me - not that I don't care - its just me. Give me a shout and I will always be there for you all.

p.s. Why do I have this blog ? Am a very private person so dont write much. anyways who reads it.

Tagged by Emily

I am thinking about... how will things shape for all of us - what turns our lives would take, a decade later where would we be and what would we be doing .

I said... I am not ambitious (liar)

I want to... make a mark.

I wish... I could find a soulmate.

I miss... almost nothing or noone.

I hear... whatever suits my mood.

I wonder... if I have what it takes to succeed / sustain a relationship

I regret... not being close to my family.

I am... a sweetheart (?!) .

I dance... with zeal .

I sing...only when I am high

I cry... when something touches me (albeit not always overtly).

I am not always... patient.

I write... to just voice a few feelings.

I confuse... people by being bundle of contradictions.

I need... inspiration and challenge for sustenance.

I should try...to be more tolerant of people.

I finish... things I am responsible for

Questions

Am I living in an ivory tower ?
Am I doing well professionally ? Btw how does one assess that ?
What will I do when my personal & professional lives collide ?
Do people at work like me ?
Have I pissed off my str8 friends ?
Why haven't I gone on a date for a long long time ?
Why have I not been in a serious relationship in the last five years ?
Why am I putting on weight again ?
Am I selfdestructive or just plain arrogant ?
Why am I prone to bursts of being totally asocial ?
Why have I lost touch with so many ppl over the last few years ?
Am i am seriously fucked up ?

On to less existential questions
Whom should I go to for a haircut ?
Where should I shop for some shirts ?
Which speakers/ amps to buy ?
How do i change my phone tariff plan & get a broadband connection at home ?

Rains

On a lark went with H to Lonavla on Sunday evening - it was lovely drive - we talked almost non-stop we had met after some time - post the mcd mist covered hills were simply awesome -1st stop coopers for chocolate walnut fudge and then Dukes for the lovely view and some eats. Gosh ! I wish I could drive. Rains really transform the ghats around Mumbai from dreary vague places to a delight. On the way back the small stretch before we hit the expressway was a little scary extremely due to low visibility and curving roads. But it was really fun.

Three days of lost productivity for a city which seems to have decided to press the panic button whether warranted or not. It seems so not Bombay. Though the lens which i use seems seriously flawed as bandra and southwards are not representative. Today was a mid week holiday. Spend some time with the gang at JATC and then we watched Mrs Henderson Presents at home. Judi Dench was awesome as usual - Brit humour rocks.

p.s. on a passing note why do all the men look so hot in this weather.

More than words

And to top it all my room was above the lagoon - and I could literally jump from my room into the lagoon !

Maldives is really mind blowing - these are just pics from my phone - have been too lazy to load my camera pics on my computer.

Day 1

Slept till late - finally got out of bed at 10 - technically that is 6.30

Was underwhelmed by the Sensoji and the Asakusa-jinja shrine - roamed the streets - getting used to the prices
Omote Sando is impressive though ...

Has been raining all day - though more like a drizzle and not like Bombay Monsoons - sort of made the entire city airconditioned

Met someone online - finally asked him out - have been meaning to for sometime but never got around doing so - however he seems to be exploring something currently

Japanese beer is quite nice

A week away

Am off to Tokyo on friday evening - will be back on 19th morning :-)
not planned anything as yet - other than buying lonely planet Tokyo