Fingers crossed

Two friends are seeing each other - very happy but also very anxious. Fingers crossed this should work out. They seem happy. One is restrained the other lives life cinema scope. Dread the thought of something going wrong - will be too torn ...

Have decided on a house near Dmonte Park - hopefully this one will work out - Looking forward to seeing it transform into an elegant home with loads of help & advice from K

Have taken a big challenge at work - need to co-opt people who don't report into me do things for me - but I suppose thats part of the fun - involves high stakes

Short update

long time since I blogged. Lots has happened this month. On verge of finally shifting houses hopefully landlord will sign the agreement tom - paying an obscene amount of money, god knows why ?

Been hyper busy at work - feel guilty sometime that I am not spending enough time with all my reportees - but really dont know what to do

I think I need to rebalance my life again - its just been work and some time with the gang - need to spend some more time with batchmates & other friends - seem to be losing perspective
Was on a flight to bangalore - when after a long time I was not tired and free - felt that i need to be a little more in tune with rest of the people - feel Anand wants to ask me to join them for the business venture but he is hesitant - he thinks i am not keen - he wants to discuss it with me but ...- maybe will go for a drink with him tom - everybody seems to be doing interesting stuff

Personal life - zilch is hapenning - been online for short bursts to chat recently - useless & idiotic waste of time - everybody seems to be going on dates but me - one date in the last 15 months

Broken Flowers

Something seemed broken in the movie - a very remote picture - consider the cast Bill Murray, Jessica Lange, Sharon Stone, Frances Conroy ( six feet under Mom) - have very ambivalent feelings about it. Bill Murray did Lost in Translation and now this - liked the other one much more. A critic writes "Murray superbly insinuates to us a man full of feeling who is bemused by his own inability to find a way to let it out." Hugh Grant's About a Boy was similar but had an obviously commercial fairytale ending. The character mellowed and was able to "let it out".

Scary at a different level - there could be lot of us who could end up like this. In the gay context being Don Juan is no big deal but the price to pay is quite steep u end up with a fancy house with your big TVs and the other gizmos but no one to really share it with ....

But the worst off I suppose are people like me who squander their 20s and 30s in studies and work and career and all that jazz and ...

"Lying"
He puts his brush to the canvas,
with one quick stroke
unfolds a bird from the sky.
Steps back, considers.
Takes pity.
Unfolds another.
-- Jane Hirshfield (Nov 1994)

Party Time :-(

Have lost it - nobody's seems remotely interested in me - can't remember the last time anyone hit on me - and I have lost the ability to move around in a party and initiate conversation and more.

Stupid Girls

Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls
Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
What a paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Excerpts from a song by Pink

A friend

A friend is v confused i think. he isn't sure he is gay or bi. Hopes he is bi. Had a relationship with a girl last few months. Was off the scene. He says I was the only gay person he continued to be in touch with. He called me on saturday and asked me if I was going for the party. I said yes and he said he also would like to come. I said cool and that was it. I didn't ask him what happened, why etc. I think he had fun last night. Am glad I dont need to go thru this dilemma.

p.s. Syriana, Being Cyrus back to back - this year has really been awesome for movies if u add
Crash & Brokeback

p.p.s. finding it xtremely hard to look for houses in this really really hectic time at work

Hello ! you fool

Why do I do this ? Why do I not make the phonecall ? Is it my ego or is it a fear that it is futile ? But by not making the call am I any better off ? Is a missed opportunity less painful than a realized loss ? Why so much drama in any case as there really is nothing to begin with and hence nothing to lose ? Is it becoz on paper it sounds gr8 and hence the stakes are high ? Where is the confident decisive and ambitious person - when the task is more personal ?

Current Affairs

holi :-( sat at home, the plans didn't work out ... But am happy the fact that I felt the need just renconfirmed the bonds which I have been able to form with the gang.

Was discussing with a friend it is no nice to have a break mid-week. The week suddenly looks so small. But would I exchange the two day weekend for a Wed & Sun option - no way.

Went to Mad o Wot with P - he got a really radical but extremely nice haircut. Lets hope his office reaction is not very hostile - the cut really suits him. Sapna was v friendly and we chatted and she was talking abt here difficulty in getting a place given her live in relationship and her huge tattoos. Loved her attitude - totally kickass. She has promised that she will do something nice with my hair but I need to grow it for a month. The place where her salon is totally rocking and would be awesome to stay in - can imagine the down stairs as hall & kitchen and upstairs as bedroom overlooking the sea. But that ain't likely to happen so ...

Swimming in the Monsoon Sea - another Selvadurai - his books are very similar but very nice reads. I must be one of the few ppl who preferred Cinnamon Gardens to Funny Boy. This book is a subtle and with the backdrop of Othello. Looks ripe to be converted to a movie - A Bollywood movie based on it - sigh !
A line which is so relatable - "After a while, so much heat had spread through Amrith's body that he seemed to be burning up with a fever" - for the context read the book.

Saw a few movies - a documentary like movie on gay guys in Maghreb (Morocco etc) a big theme being that being a top is ok and only the "bottom" guys are derided and looked down upon, Elizabethtown (Cameron Crowe, Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst) breezy nice but a let down given the credits and 2046 (Wong Kar Wai) haunting beautiful (reminded me a lot of Brokeback in terms of long periods of silence).

Worked most of the sunday morning (9-12) - cleared my inbox - still had some more to do but decided its ok. This week is going to be quite hectic need to get a lot done.

Finally on a diet - one day at a time - deviation 100 odd calories in 24 hrs. I am going out today to a friends place and am supposed to take my team out tom - need to find a way to manage - no non-veg this week is the real block - else I could have had grilled fish.

Just seeing Hottest 40 over 40 - awesome the way this people look wow
INXS new video with the new lead - so HOT