Sunday, August 13, 2006

Drifting away

Drifting away from most of the world - family, str8 friends, most gay friends - spend most of the time working or with the gang. Its by choice. Is it healthy ? A phone call triggered this post. Got a call out of the blue from a school friend whom I had not met for a decade (he has moved to US ) he found my number from god knows where and after a round of abusing he kept on insisting I tell him why the hell I was not in touch with anyone - all the people who I was so close to it school & in college.

My answer - I cant see much point spending a lot of time with people with whom I cant be myself, and as I am not out to most people it pretty much means the entire world. Everyone seems to be married with one or more kids - the conversation just becomes about them or about work - which I anyway don't like talking too much about. but is that really the case - even people I am out to do I really engage with them.

maybe it is laziness. I just don't get it - I am not asocial per se infact enjoy going out and being with people. Its just phone is not for me as a medium - surprisingly chatting I am cool with and coordinating times to meet is so tedious that meeting becomes a question really of coincidence.

So guys if I have not been in touch - xcuse me - not that I don't care - its just me. Give me a shout and I will always be there for you all.

p.s. Why do I have this blog ? Am a very private person so dont write much. anyways who reads it.

7 comments:

once again said...

yes, there does exist a lifeless bunch [i mean vivek, really] who treads upon yer blog now and then .. so enough with the i-want-attention-bit !!!

a guppie said...

lol how come u respond to the p.s. and not to the post. the number of comments bear testimoney to the visits on the blog.

Wild Reeds said...

Hi Guppie,
I've instinctively tried to integrate aspects of my life into a harmonious whole. As you well know, that is a challenge as far as sexuality is concerned. For example, I recently got onto Orkut where my entire MBA class spends most of the day writing scraps to each other. I put a link to my Wild Reeds blog, when I had non-queer stuff on it. Now I recently had to post my report on the 5th GB parents meet. I had three choices:
1) Remove the link from my Orkut page and remain closeted/ambiguous to my class.
2) Not post the report on my blog and thus remain closeted (a pity because such reports are the times I really feel passionately about what I'm writing).
3) Keep the link on Orkut, post the report on my blog, and trust the loving and accepting-ness of my classmates to internalise this additional information and not lose their respect for me.

I chose #3.

As far as drifting is concerned, it's not that we don't drift away from people, or that people do not drift away from us. But with being out, it becomes a pleasantly efficient process. I've experienced such an exhilirating freedom in not being uneasy and awkward in the last year, that it seems worth it. Doubts remain - will this outness come at a cost? My class is overwhelmingly from North India, quite parochial, very un-subtle. Will it affect my summers placement? Will a classmate who otherwise would smile/say hi/put an arm around me not do so anymore? Will someone spread rumours about me? Yes these are all concerns.
But live has to be lived.

Okay enough about me. :-)

closetalk said...

"anyway who reads it".
shameless attempt at getting comments, gupshup! ;-) and look it worked! hehehe.
will holler when i need ya - feel free to do de same, babe. *g=hugs*

Sex and the City said...

i read it na
there you go!!
very bad boy
very bad

a guppie said...

WR - wish I could be so resolved. Good luck.

The p.s. qs was rhetorical !!!

Anonymous said...

awesome blog, do you have twitter or facebook? i will bookmark this page thanks. jasmin holzbauer