Monday, November 28, 2005


Replying to mails, long meetings, some decisions, some discussions, some intellectual masturbation, some gossiping, some bullying, some cajoling, some counseling, and some substantive work that about sums up my day ...

Square one

Well the dream is over - divine intervention literally - the deal for the house fell through because the landlady had this huge saibaba statue in the house which she didn't want to remove. So I am back to square one. Sigh !

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Snippets from the past week

Saw a place on carter road - near CCD
6th floor with a sea view - u literally see into a coconut tree from the bedroom
dingy furniture can be thrown into a store room
fresh coat of paint & a little colour, rugs etc should do the trick
but old building what about the plumbing & exposed electricity
hmmm wondering if its worth the hassle of moving

Buying a fancy car and moving to a sea view apartment on carter road - should make me feel better right ?


Lemon Grass has changed its decor - looks a lot brighter now - don''t like it much - used to like the darker wall colour and subdued lights. Resisted having a dessert much to K's disgust but one week of no alcohol,no rice or desserts - atleast a start. :-)

Met an ex colleague for coffee today, she has turned housewife - painting, learning to sing and taking care of her kids (the younger daughter is adopted). She seemed so much at peace. She has finally stopped cringing when putting on paper her identity as a housewife. She still dreads reunions (being from one of the Bschools) and the awkwardness which creeps in when people realise that she is no longer working.

Loved the way see was talking about her kids - she says she refuses to teach them or talk to them about school work. Instead she teaches them about science & art. Some amazing stuff - after visiting the Louvre her six year old daughter asks her you did not show me the sunflower painting - amazing right. Or taking them to different cities in India for the weekend while her hubby may or may not join them depending on work - Like going to Cal and showing them the tram, the rickshaw, the museums. Or doing the math and giving them fun info like how much they would weigh on the moon etc.

Is she wasting her education ? Did she cheat somebody of a seat ? Don't know but I respect her for the choices she has made and she is doing what she feels is important to her and thats what matters.

Decided to see Harry Potter to see what the fuss was about. Found it ok - but what was amazing was that the though the theatre was full of kids there was no disturbance at all. They all seemed totally engrossed in the movie. Can't understand what the big deal about this Krum chappie.

Saw 'Whats eating Gilbert Grape ?' - Leonardo Dicaprio is amazing - This along with 'The Basketball Diaries' simply stand out - wonder when will he be able to do work like that again in his post Titanic super stardom.
Lalu's out of Bihar & Sena seems to be on the last leg in Mahrashtra - Buddhadeb has turned Cal upside down - times seem to be changing. While Uma still can't stop whining (Woman if u have the guts - strike out on your own for gods sake and live happily with ur friend Govindacharya) - Firmly believe we shouldn't allow regional parties to contest national elections - the federal nature comes from the Rajya Sabha in anycase.

Will the Indian economy fulfill the BRIC dream - well if it does it will be despite the politics. Reddy gives Indian banks 5 year reprieve from foreigners swamping them but the government can't get its act together on consolidation. The much delayed pension reforms hopefully will cross the hurdle this session. SEBI & RBI fighting like petulant kids over the debt markets - while it slides slowly into chaos. SEBI & IRDA fiddling like Nero while their industries are on the verge of a disaster. Need a MAS/FSA kind of regulator and need to get professionals who understand the issues on board fast.

Am so glad came out to a friend at work a couple of weeks back. Just realised how I wasted two years. He actually asks about my personal life & we discuss things. Nice. He told his fiancee too and she seems fine as well. The domino effect seems to be working positively for now. The theory that if more people come out more people will get comfortable about homosexuality logically seems correct as then the issue become about real people you know & love and not about some stereotype in your mind.
Am more at ease now but not sure when the worlds collide what shape my career would be left in. But I am hopeful it wouldn't matter.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Two sundays & resolutions revisited

Been a really mixed up last eight days.

Last sunday was being social. Met a college friend whom I had not met for 7 years with his wife & kid. Reminiscing about old times, discovering about the turns that our lives had taken, promising to keep in touch more. In the evening met a couple from London, who are friend's of a dear friend H, though I don't see him too often. Had a really pleasant dinner at Otters courtesy H's buddhist fashion designer (BFD) friend.

Today on the other hand have not stepped out of my home - the only people I have seen are the maid, dhobi etc. Just one of the useless lazy day - spend hours online. Met an interesting french guy online - we chatted for hours. He loves India and is dying to come back to bombay. Hmmm we discussed so much from indian generics industry to movies to pleasures of traveling...
A status report on the resolutions taken last saturday. Kept one & couldn't keep the other. Yesterday went on a date after ages - lunch followed by tea - conversation flowed and it was fun. Where is it likely to lead - nowhere i suppose. But it was nice and I am meeting him for dinner sometime this week. That was followed by finally going to courtyard with K - it is so different from any mall. Spend obscene amount of money on a designer trouser & a shirt. Broke the going on diet resolution - had beer & ate fries at mondy's. Wondering why does nobody hit on me at parties any longer :-(

Saturday, November 12, 2005


Has been a very listless week at work, wavering attention, no serious discussions, and nothing very intellectual or exciting to work on.

On Tuesday met Adman for a walk on carters. We discussed - am I too picky or am I just hoping that one day someone will knock at my window and enter my life ? Went through my phone book with him and I had 8-10 numbers of people I have not met or find cute/ nice but not gone out on a date with. So have decided to meet some of them whom I find attractive and see what happens. Vik - u r supposed to introduce me to some nice people you know.

Met AV for Lunch yesterday - he looked at me across the road and called me, couldn't wait to cross the road - " What have u done to yourself ? You are going fat ! Your face seems puffed up blah blah". Coming from a str8 guy it really hurt - how I envy people like him who can effortlessly stay thin - eat & drink twice as much as me and stay thin :-(
So I resolve I am on a diet - so request all friends not to tempt me
no white bread or rice
no desserts or sugars etc etc
no soft drink mixers for drinks - flavoured vodka on the rocks or whiskey it is
Need to figure out how I juggle time between work, my driving lessons, dates (!!) and gym.

Met Rani for a walk/coffee around ten. He was quietly confident , slightly hyper & a little edgy - but I am sure he has will be able to bell the "cat".

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


Riots in France ...
Indian software giant TCS buys a company in Chile ...
US has secret prisons across the world ...
Al Jazeera launches a worldwide English news channel ...

The world is changing. Its getting complicated & people need to reassess the lens they have been using to see the world. Swaminomics this Sunday implying "independent foreign policy" could have meant "bought by Saddam" or the lies about WMD and the implications of the Libby indictment. The embedded war footage of CNN or the Al Jazeera exclusives. The Enron/ Worldcomm saga or the Reliance web of companies.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Juste une question d'amour

Sigh ! if only shopping could help - did a lot of that in October, my birthday month. So instead of retail therapy - I did movie therapy and locked myself home till sunday evening. Saw 3 movies - just a question of Love & Code46 on saturday evening & Wonder Boys on sunday morning.

Wonder boys is a really great movie - surprisingly had not heard of it despite the cast of Michael Douglas, Toby Macguire & Robert Downey Jr and direction by the LA Confidential guy. Its about the one book, one movie, one play wonders who cannot replicate it and lead their lives under the burden of that one big success. Well acted and well scripted it was fun to watch alone at 8 on sunday morning. And surprise surprise this movie has a gay element - Robert Downey Jr & Tobey Mcguire in bed together !!
Just emphasized for me the centrality of making choices in life as the only way of moving forward.

Code46 is a scifi romance. Dont cringe - it has Tim Robbins & Samantha Morton. It is based on the premise that global warming has made large parts of the world desert and you need a cover to enter any of the "civilized cities". In a world of rampant cloning & invitiro procedures you have to make sure u dont sleep & have kids with somebody with more than 25% genetic match. The movie is very disturbing and even if the premise seems far fetched - consider this : genetic mapping reveals concerns - can't get insurance - so can't get mortgage - so can't buy home - and so on ... The boundary between the haves & the have nots is a physical city wall here. The two main leads dont look like a romantic pair but they add an intensity & desperation to the impossible situation they find themselves in.
Finally the delightful french movie Just a question of love - about the conflicts faced by a young guy between coming out to his parents & living a lie to not shatter their delusions. I could so imagine it being translated into an Indian context - the feelings were same and finally as the character says to his father - "It is not about being gay or straight - its just a question of love and I love Cedric"

Got dragged by Vik to Lokhandwala - met these really interesting set of people whom I hope to see a lot more of.
One more weekend ends - hope everyone doesn't take me to be a movie junkie - just think it is better to see nice movies then meet uninteresting people just because I have place. Also have almost finished reading an improbable & impossible sort of romantic story called Broken April by an Albanian author called Ismail Kadare.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

What do u do ?

In a weird mood - feeling a little lost. When intellect can't help you resolve the problem, rectify the situation , fill the void, what do u do ?

Thursday, November 03, 2005


Wrote twice about my feelings about Diwali - both times couldn't post it. Divine providence or awful infrastructure ? Let me attempt a different version.

Sweets, cashew nuts, almonds.
Diyas & fireworks.
Home food cooked in Ghee.
Empty streets & deserted offices.
Emotional calls from home.
More holidays - and more time to drink, eat and watch movies.

In Diwali spirit went to watch Hanuman - horrible Amar Chitra Katha anyday in better.Nice eye candy on Diwali eve at jazz and on Diwali afternoon in Zorro, the movie.

I am Hindu. Nobody lables me good or bad based on what I do or don't do. I don't feel guilty about not praying, fasting or going to temples. I suppose I believe in God. Huh !