Well its done

The profile has been taken off - and no more visits to g.com - The "ennui" is dead - it needs a makeover

Hopefully will be back in April in a new avatar

Are you strong enough to be my man

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me I promise
I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It’s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me I promise
I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

- Sheryl Crow

>> Think I will take off my online profile & stop chatting

Valentines Week & My Phonebook

Valentines week scrolled my phone book n times - minus family, colleagues, and ppl from my alma mater - the list is as follows :

Doc - the person to whom I owe a lot - he was instrumental in my getting so comfortable and who was really patient & supportive a little more than four years back & his long term boy friend. Thanks Doc and sorry for not keeping in touch - cannot fathom a reason why I have not.

The 1st three friends I made - the snooty boys from bandra as we were called -
RB who was a little crazy, we fought a lot but also spend lots of time together - still remember our trip to Thailand - and how we would go our own separate way most of the time - coordinate such that we wouldn't be in Babylon at the same time - flirt together with waiters - we would meet every day for a while and then not meet at all for a week to ten days. Alas he has moved out of bombay ...
R the tall "lost look" friend - can't believe have known him for more than four years - we have this comfortable relationship give each other space all the time but are only a phone call away if the other needs to talk/meet. Sometimes grouchy, sometimes camp, sometimes childlike, sometimes all grown up, hopeless romantic ...
J - the always smiling always helpful the xtra sweet mac boi - have moved out of the country to follow his dreams.

My new set of friends along with R-
D/d - Met at Tres Botas a couple of years back - when he was visiting from Abad - met him again once he was back in bombay for good - something worked and we have grown close - only person with whom i talk on phone for ages. He has attitude, arrogance, confidence, vulnerability, talent, and an amazing heart. Nice to tease him sometimes - he pretends to be indifferent to what other people think - but gets upset if they dont read Inside Outside.
V, the global english talker & teacher, who thinks i have a lisp :-( and likes to write and read poems - Sensitive and fun loving - a total sweet heart.
CT, reminds me so much of a friend - is the exterior a facade ? the frivulous superficial exterior hides a heart of gold beneath. Yes CT it is ok not to be the life of the party all the time - u can be urself around us - mope abt boy, rant abt job etc

Ranima - xceptionally talented, strong willed and warm hearted boy/man. Learned French and German, did a MA and quadrupled the turnover of his family business all in a couple of years amazing.

H - the rich Juhu boy - v v sweet - would love to have as a friend am really fond of him - but understand his issues - and KM - possibly the first person to have a crush on me.

P - met in v unusual circumstances - have got close. Busy boy trying to do too many things with his life.

Vikster - am not sure what to say.

Half a dozen cute guys whom I find attractive (and 2-3 like too after bumping into with common friends) - but am very sure they dont find me - so thats that. Apart from a few hookups from the parties - whom I have kept in touch - called to parties at home introduced to friends. And a few links courtesy GB. So went to GB party with friends and partied ...

Mixed feelings

Yesterday was a weird day - had a lot of things to do some work stuff and some household chores - did nothing and given the current mood am vegetating in front of the laptop & TV - this will mean postponing them for a couple of weeks as am working next saturday. Need to get out of this lethargy.

Met R & V for lunch at Soulfry - the fish or chicken thali there has almost become a ritual for R & me. This should be last of such meals for the next three months. It is just too much food to eat. I am a Glutton on top of that had dessert -whats come over me I seem to be on suicidal path to obesedom. I don't like the way I have started looking.

Post that - V wanted to hang out have coffee etc but was sleepy and had a switched off empathy drive - could see the need for conversation in his eyes and his anxiety about life/career/ meeting B in the evening. Just was not in a mood to be the sounding board - so left him in the lurch and came home and slept. Felt guilty for a bit but was just not up to it. Dragged myself to town to meet all them later in the evening.

Plans were many - watch Rabbi/IO concert or catch the movie Some like it Hot, dinner at Busaba, drinks somewhere etc. However we decided to chuck the concert and as we were waiting for R,CT & B decided to go for a drink. We tried to figure our options and there were hardly any - Not just Jazz, Geoffery's and Starters & More were three we could come up with apart from Mondy's. Finally landed at Geoffery's and after a couple of Long Island Ice teas we scandalised the punjabi uncle with our conversation & behaviour. CT & B had joined us by them and we were all acting quite silly. Finally decided enough of this we want to dance and hence wanted to try and see if Voodoo's was back in business.

For fucking 500 bucks a day the bars can have a DJ - I bet all of them would shell that out in a jiffy - but no the government will take god only knows how long to determine whether they are appropriate - and we have the sad scene of bombay bars without music. Who has heard of such a travesty - we used to laugh at bangalore & delhi and other places where late nights were a no no - but for this to happen in bombay. What do we do - stay there in that awful place or go to Mondys as there are not too many options for "stags".

Found a place at Mondys - finally music but the next table guys were sniggering we thought at us and I was feeling fairly down that on a saturday night in bombay thats what we had been reduced to. None of the nicer place would let us in. So we all headed back home. The evening made me feel like shit - i don't know why ? Or maybe I do but was angry at being helpless ? Why can't four harmless guys have fun and be themselves without a care ?

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't really matter

Dilemmas faced this week

How do u deal with someone who lies on your face even though there was almost a 100% chance of getting caught ? Do u let it go thinking they were stupid to do so or do u confront them ? Am really angry, hurt, surprised and amused that someone would do so.

Would u bolster the ego of someone or give "bhav" to someone if it helps u achieve ur goals ? Its not abt being dishonest or praising someone - its just abt asking for help and managing ur own ego. Why is it difficult to tell someone guide me - when its not intellectual but just because someone controls the resources.

A saturday with Parents

Got up read the 4 newspapers - had warm home made breakfast in the morning - upma, dhoklas & tea. Who else but mom would get up early to cook a meal :-)

took my parents to little Italy for lunch - it has had a makeover looks so wannabe fine dining place - they have got the prices and the furniture but why is it so cramped and the layout is really bad. the food was just ok - except that they had an awesome range of juices - had a stawberry & kiwi fresh juice.

Went saree shopping with my mom - a bi annual ritual for the two of us. She tells me that everyone just loves the sarees I choose for her :-)Then we went to buy clothes for my nephew & niece.

Came back had a snooze - and surfed a little bit - This has been a very different visit - i have behaved almost like I would have if they were not there - go out late evenings / meet friends - surf the net like now - maybe given up by share of the tv but not much else - don't know what they think abt all this

Talked to a few friends / Chatted with a few others

watching phone booth - really awesome movie - had heard so much abt it and for a change a hyped thing lives up to the expectation. colin looks awesome - so vulnerable & so adorable

And now watching the lovely Aparna Sen & Lilette Dubey in conversation. All in all a nice pleasant day.